“I have never understood what other people see in me or even believed them when they said I was beautiful. And so when complete strangers pay ME for sex, they CHOOSE me. It’s a huge ego boost.”
Being in this work creates an interesting relationship with our bodies. Sometimes we are more confident about our bodies and our sexuality (as well as our ability to seduce our way to financial freedom) once we become adult entertainers.
One sex worker said she felt better about her body when she realized that women with big hips and cellulite were the top bookers. Another woman had been insecure about her small breasts until she started dancing and realized that her body was just as appreciated by customers as her “Double D” co-workers.
It can also work the other way, making you feel less confident. If you get fired for having small breasts or told by an employer to lose weight, this can have disastrous effects on your performance.
When we don’t feel good about ourselves, it impacts our ability to do our jobs well. The spark just isn’t there. We feel it. The customers feel it. It sucks. That’s why with confidence we have to fake it till we make it – at all times.
The pressure to be thin really affects confidence. It can lead to eating disorders and threaten your very life. Develop a thick skin. Try not to take anything that anyone says to you personally. You are not going to be ideal for every client or employer. But there are clients and employers out there that think the world of you. Focus on the people in your life who bring positive feelings into your world and forget about the ones who impact you negatively.
Growing old is particularly difficult for adult entertainers. We rely on our beauty for an income, so when our ass(et)s start to sag, it’s not only depressing, it’s financially hazardous. Plastic surgery is always an option, but exercising, eating right and wearing sun block will actually slow aging.
Aging can be slowed, but it cannot be stopped. And so, as the days go by, so does the ability to make it in this industry.
Find things to be good at that don’t involve looking beautiful. Nurture your interests outside of work. This will help the transition from entertainer to retiree when the time inevitably comes.
Take heart. As we age, we also become savvier. With all our years of experience, we can do anything. We can start our own adult entertainment businesses – and run them ethically and responsibly to honour our own histories. We can join the straight world and wow them with our entrepreneurial skills and charm. We can do anything because we are strong, resilient, creative, and self-driven - common traits among us.